Wednesday, July 17, 2013

30 Days of Blog Lovin ~ Day #9

Day 9 already, I can't believe I am still going really! Following through is not always my strong point with this sort of commitment. But I am here again and I have no idea what is going to unfold today.

I did manage to get a couple of pics of Maddie today, she is such a quick learner, is sitting when asked most of the time and can go and get a ball and bring it back. I introduced her to the chooks and cats today and kept her on the lead incase. So far so good, she didn't really seem interested in chasing them when they were standing around, but as soon as they run she wanted to go after them. Not sure whether she just wants to play with them or try to eat them yet, Not going to give her the opportunity either until she has settled in a bit more. She really has such a lovely nature and is full of energy.



Ok so I have had a bit of time to really think about things these past 9 days. I have really had to rethink why I am doing this blog challenge in the first place. I had to remind myself that I am doing this to find my voice and to find the real me.

Well I think my ego thought better and somehow it come back to writing what I think people want to hear and want to know. I felt so free after the first couple of posts but no so much since then. Your support from the first couple of post made me feel accepted and no so alone and I felt like I was on the right track. But when I didn't get as many comments on the next couple I quickly felt like I didn't have anything worthwhile to say and insecurities ran riot again! The ego was taking over again.
I quickly realized I had lost track of why I am doing this in the first place. I need to remember that I am not doing this for the wonderful comments so many of you have given me, and while I will always be extremely grateful for all your support, and I can't thank you enough truly from the bottom of my heart but I know that I need to keep this real first and foremost for myself. And please this is not a request for comments. I am just glad you dropped by and have no expectations of anyone, I know that we are all busy with our day to day lives.

Completely unedited pic of me EEEK! No make up and no photoshop.
Still the question remains who is the real me. For far to long I have let my past define me and for the first time I am starting to entertain the idea that maybe I am free to define the future that I want and who I want to be. After all it is my story isn't it and I can write the chapters to what ever I would like, so why not entertain the thought that I can be what ever I want to be and have what ever I want in life. With the business coaching with Nicola we have to write our goals and plan our future dreams. I have found this confronting to believe that I can dream big and have big goals. Can I really dare to dream that big? The minute I start dreaming big I get extremely overwhelmed. How can I possible achieve all that? The negative voices say to me that I can't do that, your not smart enough, or well dressed enough or pretty enough or skinny enough and the voices go on and on. The biggest one at the moment is that I am not smart enough.

But funnily enough the breakthrough I had in the last week was with my style and my wardrobe and my thinking. After pinning a few outfits into my style board on Pinterest I was typically looking for things that I thought I could wear or pull off, but then I had a thought what if I just pin what I would love to wear IF I thought I could wear anything, of course that would mean losing at least 20kg but hey I can dream can't I. I find that with working from home that I have over time taken less care of my appearance, living in the daggy comfy clothes that I don't have to worry about getting paint on, you know the ones that you wouldn't be caught dead in up town. But I am thinking I am going to start a new vision board of the new style I would like to emulate and put it up in my bedroom. Then I am going to have a huge clean out of my wardrobe and start working towards my new image. So this is one little thing that I can start to change. Hopefully everything, even the body starts morphing into my new dream style. My new Pinterest Style Board.



As far as the not being smart enough one goes, I don't know how to overcome that one. It is so hard not to compare yourself to others, which always makes me feel inadequate compared to others. I feel like a fake at times. Yeah I know I need to give myself more credit and I am proud of all that I have achieved so far, but it is still these little things holding me back. Hopefully it will be something as simple as pinning that can help me shift my attitude and outlook with all my other insecurities too. I still have a long way to go.

So I think on this journey to find the real me Is more about who I want to be and less about who I was. I can't change any of my past but I can see that it is more about my present that defines me now, and I have the power to write the next chapter in my story for what ever that might be.


On a lighter note I will leave you with this pic I took this afternoon of our cows with a few new friends that have been hanging around for a couple of weeks, did you see all the ducks on the roof?? There have been heaps of these whistler ducks hanging around lately!

OK until tomorrow peeps, Time for me to start shutting everything down now!

And I just want to give a shout out to Theresa, thank you for coming along for the ride hun, you should start a blog I would come and read it. I would love to hear your story too!

Night all xxx
Hugs



4 comments:

  1. Michelle, even those that look like they have it all "put together" and appear confident have their own insecurities. They just manage to hide it well. If you dig down deep, they are probably about as insecure as we all are. Please take comfort in that....you are a lot smarter than you think !

    Love the pinboard style. Look on ebay hun, you will be surprised at some of the cheap finds (second hand but still in excellent condition, some even new with tags still on). Just take your measurements and always send a message to the seller asking for measurements if they haven't provided them. I have found so many wonderful corporate clothes this way at a fraction of the cost in the shops.

    Love the photos :)

    Deb x x x x

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    1. Thanks Gorgeous!! Hugs, and thank you for your vote of confidence. I consider myself lucky to be able to call you my friend xx

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  2. Hi Michelle. You make me laugh, and cry. I had a several short chats with my 14 year old grand daughter today and she is going through a lot of what you are. Trying to figure out who she is in the world. What her relationships are to others. Learning to recognize choices when they are in front of her. How to take care of herself and support her friends. Sometimes I think as we grow older that we forget we are all just 14 year old girls inside with the same questions over and over again from the different perspectives that age and experiences give us. She has an additional piece to her perceptions because she was born with only one ear so has some significant hearing impairment to learn from. Once the questioning part of our brain wakes up, we ask ourselves the same questions over and over again. Sometimes we get the same answers. Sometimes different. But it is the questioning that keeps life interesting. The answers only hold until the next round of questioning. Just the perspective of a sixty year old eleven year cancer warrior. So glad we get to be cyber friends. Big hugs to you. Theresa

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    1. Thank you Theresa, you are wise beyond words! Thank you so very much for your words of wisdom! xxx

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