Friday, February 8, 2013

It's been one of those weeks.....

I can't wait for this week to be over, it has been such a roller coaster with more lows than highs.
I feel stuck, I feel all the negative voices in my head having a field day. I feel like just sitting down and crying.
Just when I think it is all coming together and I am getting back on top of things it feels like I am hit with another blow. I know it is all just my perception of things and I am being over sensitive but it is so hard to get out of this crappy frame of thinking and just deal with it, get on with it and refocus!
Just found this quote ant it got me thinking. At first I agreed then I re read it and now I am not so sure. It is the now that keeps interrupting my focus for the future, it is the now that is presenting me with problem after problem at the moment. Think I need to sit and really take in this message, I would love your thoughts on this one, do you agree or not? What is your take on this quote??
Our internet is my main source of frustration, we are paying through the nose for 50GB on 2 separate wireless internet services, because previously the max we could get on each was 15GB at $100 each. After a 3 hour phone call to telstra they did me a deal that would give me a max of 25GB on each one but at a cost of $160 on one and not sure if the other will be $145 or $160, we havent seen that bill yet. But the catch is that because it is a special deal we are locked in for 24 months on each system but can drop it right down to the minimum plan if we want. But to rub salt in the wounds the internet still drops out every 5 min, and I might as well forget about it from 8pm to 9pm, you just can't get on. Makes me so fucking cranky (excuse the language) that's how mad it makes me. Well I am beyond mad now I just want to cry. I am trying to set up a business and get online coaching which had to be rescheduled this morning because we couldn't get a connection. So it is not only costing me time and money but others too. I am so over bloody Telstra.
It is so frustrating that Friends on the next road over can get ADSL and 200GB for a hell of a lot less.
Anyway I am hoping I will have a light at the end of this bloody tunnel and have just found another service provider in town this morning who can offer 100GB for $59 Hallafuckinloola!!!!  They will be out next Thursday to do a test to see if we can get their service out here! They also said it should be faster than the USB 4G we have! I am keeping absolutely everything bloody crossed, fingers and toes the lot, hoping that this will be the answer to all my internet problems and I can just go about work as usual instead of wasting half a day trying to get things done online!
Other things getting to me this week have been well the computer and internet have been the catalyst for everything really, Been worrying about the bills and money but having  the exorbitant internet fees have contributed to that. My computer died again, I had it custom built just over 14 months ago, and it has already needed the CPU processor replaced because it died and I was without my computer for over a month, then the other night it just died again and wouldn't start, so I  unplugged everything and cleaned it out and it started again then I proceeded to put everything back on one at a time to see if I could work out what was causing it. Well I plugged the internet USB in and it completely shut down again. So I tried the internet in the lap top and it worked. So I looked at the USB port and found on the ground a little bit of plastic, I then worked out it had come out of the USB Port. So what ever I was putting in that port was shorting out the computer! Still haven't rung my computer guy about it, because frankly I don't want to go back to him! He still charged me when the CPU processor died because it was about 8 days out of the 12 month warranty. This was the 2nd computer I have had through him and will be the last. So the said USB port has some tape over it until I find a new computer guy! I think I am going to go Mac with the next one!

Its amazing how these sort of things can totally derail you emotionally and physically.

I have also been worrying about my kids as they try and find their own way in this world. I always wonder if I have done enough in raising them. I hope I have done enough for them to strive to reach their own dreams and that they haven't inherited my own lack of self confidence and self doubt. Just had issues with Wil about his phone account too, if it doesn't rain it pours!! I don't think you ever stop worrying about your kids ever! This week has been a tough one as a mum!

So I am nearly through another day and at the end of the week and the only highlights I have had was going out to lunch with Don and finding potentially another internet provider, (fingers crossed) and receiving some beautiful messages and votes of confidence from some online friends! You guys keep me going! I really feel like I haven't gotten anywhere this week, still waiting to see my online  website too!

I know at the end of the day it will be all worth it! But I am feeling very overwhelmed at the moment and have let things get to me and get in the way and have been really down this week. I know I will be fine again soon, but I would like to learn how to not let these feelings take over and have control for so long!. 

Ok I am going to have some lunch and try and clear my head and see if I can't get back on track this arve!

Think I need to go over my affirmations that I have been working on again too!
1. I am always in the right place at the right time.
2. I always say the right thing with honesty, integrity & love
3. I am worthy of and deserving of freedom of expression, creativity, success & abundance!
I need to remember my words for 2013 and get back on track.

Sorry to go on with this rant, but I just had to get it all out.


  1. Ahhh Michelle...I feel your pain in many ways! We are stuck with Telstra too as theirs is the only one that gets service up in the remote minesite where my hubby is. I know all too well how frustrating it can feel like having a complete meltdown. I have my fingers crossed that the other provider can get you a better deal :)
    Self doubt is so toxic and energy draining...keep repeating those affirmations! Sending you hugs xxx

  2. Great to get it off your chest and sometimes the swearing really helps. I can't imagine the frustration with the computer but I think I'd want to throw everything, that is if I didn't really want to contact people or post stuff. I'm sure you're wanting to do all of the above so I hope your problem is solved real soon.
    Keep smiling Michelle, sending hugs your way.

  3. Oh Michelle, I so feel for you. When all you ever do is your best it is beyond frustrating when others fall way short of this mark. Just know that you will always have regrets but can't relive life, and you are an absolute inspiration to so many people around the World (whilst here in the UK I've never even heard of Telstra!!) Crossing everything that all these issues are resolved asap and you can feel so much better very soon. Huge hugs, Jenny xx

  4. Hi Michelle,
    Came over to find out what is getting you so down and it has to do with that "technology stuff".
    I feel for you and what comes to mind is that you need to have a "side-kick" that you can go to when this "sh#+" happens!
    Find something creative that fascinates you and that will center you! This will take out the pain of frustration. that is what I do. That quote of Eckhart Tolle is were this secret sits, doing something mindful in the present will remove that fear of the future you are feeling. Do not let it creep in and take over.
    Remember to create and return to your center. Hugs, hope this made sense and believe me things will get fixed, because your heart is in the right spot and your intentions are wonderful - trust that! :-)

  5. Oh Michelle,
    Technology is fabulous, except when it's not working and then it is absolutely the most frustrating thing in the world! I know it makes your nerve endings feel raw and haggard and it's just plain awful. And made all the worse because you are depending on others (internet provider, computer guy) to help you through it, so you feel out of control. I wish I had some sage advice for you. Instead I'm keeping everything crossed that you can get the different provider and that all works out. A better computer guy too!!! You're right, though, eventually, it will all pay off.

    In times like these, my mantra is "This too shall pass." and "It will get better." and "It's not going on my tombstone, so it can't be that important." :D Sorry...but the irreverence sometimes helps me cope. Just tossing it out there in case it works for you.

    Sending you big hugs. Remember to breathe.

  6. Michelle, this year sure seems to be starting out rough for a lot of people. Lots of folks have been reaching out through on-line friends for support. I am glad to see that it is coming through. I truly hope you feel supported. One of the most frustrating things is depending on technology when it fails us. And I read your quote several times too. I don't think I agree with it. Even living in the now can have moments of real fear. Now is never a pure moment. It is a connecting point for the past and the future. Hopefully living in the now let's us drop some of the excess baggage, but I don't think all of it. I hope things get better for you moving forward. I have been a subscriber to your blog for some time and very much enjoy your artwork. Thanks as always for sharing. Big Hugs, Theresa

  7. Take care Michelle. I can feel your frustration. Hope everything works itself out quickly.

  8. Hi Michelle, after your wonderful help over on facebook I decided to come on over to your blog. So glad I did. This post really spoke to me. Your honesty and realness touched my heart. I love to hear real life/ everyday stories whether they be happy or challenging. Thankyou for sharing your not so pefect week and also for sharing your affirmations. Love and hugs to you. xx Jo

    P.S. I think I was meant to connect with you this week. Just yesterday I was reading the Aust Scrapbook Ideas mag and when I came across your article I thought "hey i know that girl". Then I put your name on my list of blogs I had to read this weekend.


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