Monday, December 9, 2013

Fear has a lot to answer too!

I know I said I would be back with an update of the past few months adventures, but it has just been one big roller coaster lately. My doubts and fears have been working on holding me back, as soon as I feel like I am making some progress it feels like this hand reaches back up and tries to bring me back down! I just don't get it how we can let our heads have this much control of us! 

I have had enough and just want to smack this bitch down, I am sick of being on this roller coaster and sick of feeling sick, that I am not good enough or not smart enough or not funny enough or what ever else the voice in my head likes to inflict on me! I am tired of letting little things or comments derail me so easily.

I have been working sooooo hard on staying positive and looking to the future and working on me, but this consistent, persistent voice always comes back to bring me crashing back down!

I AM ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!! I have to believe that or else what is the point of anything!! Why am I doing what I am doing?? Questions and arguments that go on in my head constantly. I have so much going on and so much I want to do and so much I want to share and give to others but fear of rejection is making me selfish, I am holding back soo  much that could be benefiting others all for the fear that it is not going to be good enough or I might be laughed at or ridiculed or even be wrong. Another big thing I fear is letting people down and disappointing people! I know they are just my insecurities, but how the hell do I get control over them and tell them to fuck off once and for all!!!

I know I will never get off this roller coaster called life, but to just be able to feel like I am doing the right thing and that I am on the right path will make things seem so much easier without this persistent pest in my head!!! 

If anyone has any tips on how to let go of not feeling good enough I would love to hear them!
Sorry about the rant, this is just where my head is at today!

I will be back very soon with my first video blog post, if I can get past the insecurities of how I will look and sound on camera.. But I will do it, I am just working up the courage at the moment!

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